Saturday, April 30, 2011

57 circles of potential

We have exactly 57 of these white lanterns in our basement. The ideas keep popping up of what could we possibly do with all of these. The basement has an infinate amount of space for objects that don't exist for camping or storage containers. Then out of the mouth of Wild Man Jake.... "Let's paint them for our room!"

So he is wild AND creative! smiles

Friday, April 29, 2011


I have been making a conscious effort to be more deeply connected to the kids.
I am very good at managing, fixing, arranging, creating, - those things they would agree.
Yet, my desire to be very good at listening, loving, looking, and feeling deeply - those, I am not always sure they would agree.
I want to spend my evenings looking deeply into their eyes as they tell me stories. I want to touch their hand with full presence as they walk with me. I want to smell their sweet kid scent and treasure that as I inhale deeply and slowly release the concerns or thoughts of anything that is not deep and loving.

One night a few days back, I was tucking Elizabeth into bed. A recently added ritual that we had dropped a few years back. Anyways, so I am kinda making a little sweet game of tucking her covers in all around her, as if a mummy being taken to her final shrouding.

She looked up at me gently.
E: Mom, you are warm.
M: Thanks babe.
E: I don't mean your body is warm, You are warm.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Dear Nate - on your day off...

"Dear Nate,
I understand that you have a day off from work? Hmmmm.
Are there no elevators that require your lovin? again, Hmmmmm.
Well, there are a few things that are calling your name outside..... "

"The fire pit needs moved and the gathered wood needs to dry out."

"The bulbs for our porch need replacing after the storms... because it is hard to have an impromptu guitar jam session without lights, so that the chord cheat sheets are too dark to use."

"But leave the purple ground cover that is attracting all of the bees, though it scares the kids - we need bees to pollinate our food resources (hippy ish I know)."

"Yes, Nate - I know... these look like it should be weeded out but I promise they will have pink blooms in about a week."

"Ok...I do understand that many consider these darling little daisies to be weeds, but just look at them! Plllllleeeaassee don't spray them with Roundup!"

" The plants, the grass, and even the weeds love the tender touch of your hands hands callused from hard work that helps to brighten our little patch of Nature."

" Oh PS..... Please trim sooo carefully around the yellow iris'. I know, I know they are much too delicate for our backyard, but I love them so trim carefully."

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

have you ever....

Have you ever had a BFF that makes you want to be the best person that you have the potential to be? That BFF that holds you to a standard that they know you are capable of - being bigger and better than you ever thought imaginable? That BFF that holds you accountable to be authentic to your words and intentions? That BFF who bitches you out when you stray from your work that will create new opportunities?

Well.... I have one.

She is funny, succint, sly, and crazy intelligent.

Our standard of winning at "Words with Friends" is to beat her.

She loves music, even with lots o' guitars and she aint afraid to play it!

My BFF listens to my hopes and big dreams then holds my feet to the fire to make the step to get there. She loves Nate as much as I and sees the good that he brings to my life.

How did I find her? She wondered into my life without any preconceived idea of how much havoc I would raise and how I would drive her crazy several times a day!

She blindly allowed me into her family circle to eat turkey and stuffing at all of her holiday dinners. I know that I am a forever BFF because her mom just said I was her "adopted daughter." How did that family know that I needed someone to love me just for being me, quirky and silly as I am? Well.... I am in good company! Because they are even more authentic and genuine that I would have ever imagined! Just as I like it!

Cheers to BFFs and all that entails.

Monday, April 25, 2011

she's happy - I know because she sings

Three years ago Elizabeth and I bought a quiet house.

When we first walked in - though it was quiet and still - we could see a secret glimmer of happiness under the layers of quiet that bore down like worn carpet upon the long covered hard wood floors. The quiet wasn't a generational sadness, but rather a situational sadness.

I now realize that I was also harboring a quiet sadness. On the outside the house and I looked fine. Our siding was well kept and the roof colored to the perfect shade of brown - yet the inside kept secrets of long buried sad.

Yet now, I catch Elizabeth, me and the house humming with waves of joy and contentment. I spot Elizabeth dancing and singing her way from the dining room to the living room and back. I whistle, "You are my sunshine," while I am folding laundry. The house creaks and sings with each step that we ascend. I hear a slight inhale of breathy happiness from our home when the boys hit the purple walled foyer as the shoes are kicked off and jackets are thrown.

The house now smiles from the inside out. Just like me...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

The Great Demonstration

I had the privilege to teach the 3, 4, and 5 year old class today at Unity.

How do you explain that today is a day of celebration beyond bunnies and candy?

How do I convey that life and renewal is possible, even after being driven through the city beaten and spat upon? How do I share that life emerges even after hanging on the sacrificial cross till death frees the body of bondage. Instead I teach the hope that is

The Great Demonstration.

Today is a day of rebirth and renewal. It symbolizes to me that all is possible.

after a long dark night - morning does come

a week of planning and packing - emerges as a great week of camping

bearing a long difficult relationship - reminds there is love once again

through the winter - spring still arrives

waiting through the rain showers - flowers bloom

death in a cave of several days - rebirth is possible

the body that is dead until Jesus can arrive - rises and walks again

an evening of household chaos - relaxes into a blissful night of sleep

an extended family that is distant - a new loving friend's family fulfills that need

No matter what - the divine lives within us all and everything good is possible.

That is spring and Easter.... all is possible in love and the rebirth.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

view from the circle

We absolutely love our neighbors here on Forest Circle. They all seem to spend time outside gardening and weeding. It is inspiring to see their bags of yard waste and incoming compost to nourish their yards. I catch myself gazing off the porch at everyone else's yards in almost dream like wonder - at how it all looks so alive.

Our neighbors across the street give us this to look at all spring.

Our neighbor (and best bud) gives us this plus forsyntheas and snowball bushes.

Yet, all we can give them is a newly organized this....

and this.....

Friday, April 22, 2011

ahhh spring cleaning

Not sure that you can hear the sigh of relief that the living room and dining room are now clean. Not just surface clean - but deeply cleaned! Nate, Elizabeth and I spent most of Sunday evening clearning those rooms until we were satisfied that we were ready for spring.... all dust bunnies freed, all spring chickens kicked out of the kitchen, and all the materials free of lint, pollen, and allergic fibers. Yes, the sound of freedom is long and celebratory.

a big week of logistics

I am 40 ish and have never had a will. There have been no provisions for my finances, my home, and most importantly my daughter. The thing that I love the most - I have made no arrangements for, if in the event that I shall pass on before she is an adult.

So, to remedy this oversight - Nate and I have been changing beneficiaries and updating wills. Its all a big decision and yet hopefully none of our decisions will ever need come to fruition. Yet, we have signed, given blood, notarized, spit, and seconded all of the necessary forms to be sure that our children and our loves are taken care of.

I realize that my chance of dying is 100% but I pray to any god or spirit that is lizstening to at least give to me until our children are old enough for all of this custody/and will stuff doesn't matter. Allow me to love their tender hearts and to nourish their growth until I am old and gray.

Notarized and approved by Mindy S. Allenger

Thursday, April 21, 2011

writing timeline

Having coffee with Kathy this morning cleared out my thoughts of work and worry. Instead, within those few hours - we replaced those worried brows with laughter in Lowes while we hauled six boxes of ceramic tile for Mickey. We talked about our fav counselor and how incredibly strict she forces us to be with our thoughts and actions. We sipped coffee and ate glutten free pretzels while catching up on cheerleading, wedding memories, our mothers, flippers, acrylic nails, our cats, and most everything else imaginable.

Within those hours of bliss, her final parting thought was, "So whats the timeline on this writing?" Ok, back to reality.

My timeline is...
Chapter 1 finished by April 30
Chapter 3 finished by May 30
IRG over the summer
Chapter 2 concurrently over the summer
Research in September
Chapter 4 in October
Chapter 5 in November
Christmas in December (heehee)
Defend in January
Graduate in May

Sunday, April 10, 2011

ahhhh.... back to real life

The Wedding Whirlwind is past..... the detailed planning, the constant questions, the decorations everywhere - all over.

It felt like our life was open for public comment for two months. Every step of the wedding was being worked out over and over. Altered, modified, and reworked again.

The time was wonderful and full while I still linger in the wedding glow.

Yet, the relief of being back to real life is almost surreal and dreamy. A quieter weekend has followed up the wedding whirlwind. Our quiet week-a-versary consisted of; naps in the afternoon, relaxing around the xbox, regular trips to the grocery for milk and apples, laundry being put away and a sweet quiet that settled over our home.