what was I thinking?

All of my life I have felt quite capable.  I knew that with some preparation and hard work, I could accomplish most things that I set sights upon.  I don't know how that 'can do' attitude was curated and refined, yet I have rarely been at a loss of how to get something done. 

Until this dissertation... the greatest challenge of my life lays before me in a stack of 57 pages that is littered with revisions, notes, suggestions, demands, and "I would never write that again if I were you" comments.  I submitted chapter 1.  chapter 2.   chapter 3. to my chair last week.  Today I got back a new stack of revisions, notes, suggestions, demands, and "I would never write that again if I were you" comments.  

But I will finish this.   Even if I die trying - dramatic I know - but the feeling is genuine.  

A quote that I love from Eleanor Roosevelt expresses it best when she says that we must do the one thing that we think we are not capable of.  Or something like that.   It is also the new motto for Weight Watchers, so either I can lose some weight or write this paper.

Oh, I will finish and publish this paper if only to be called Dr. for a day!

bliss

This week E and I have been talking about our summer plans.

We want to enjoy the summer and continue moving ahead on some projects that we have started.

So, we (I) decided that we needed a word for the summer.

Like our own mantra or word to symbolize our ideal.

I called lots of 'mom' words that she quickly vetoed. 

Until I said 'joy' and she said 'too christmasy' and proceeded to look up synonyms on her iphone for the word joy.

The word 'bliss' popped up and we know right away -

We now have a summer word. 

Feels good - blissful.



rainbows and roses

The love that continues to grow each day between step-dad and step-daughter is a source of constant fascination and celebration.  There is something so inherently deep between them that I cannot help to thank God every day for bringing Nate into her life.  

He shows that he loves her by simply choosing to be a friend and parent day in and day out.   The good days and the bad, he is there - dependable as a rock. 

It is not always rainbows and roses at our house.  Instead there is a lot of real life that consist of:

"Who left their shoes in front of the door again?"

"It's someone's job to empty this dishwasher."

"Jake is only 5, give him a break."

"You can't bring down two weeks of dirty clothes then expect it all clean in an hour."

"Stop aggravating the cats!"

"Are your chores (homework, catbox, dishes, etc) done?"

But many days it is all rainbows and roses.  Our real life often does consist of:

dancing in the kitchen

making jokes just to make one another laugh

working together to get a hard job done

drawing together at the kitchen table

after school pick ups and drop offs

patience in explaining difficult topics

saying positive things to each other with a genuine heart

I am quite lucky to have it all - the fussing and the fun!!

now its mother's day

I had a wonderful Mother's Day.

On Saturday, Mom, Carol, Elizabeth and I went to a nice lunch and shopped at antique stores. The conversation and shopping was so relaxed and familiar. Perfect.

The following day I spent with the other mom's in my life, Debbie and Nancy. The afternoon lunch was kind and very nice to spend the day with Nate's family. Perfect.

But what made it a true Mother's Day was stepping over tools in the kitchen and cleaning up cupcake ingredients from Elizabeth. Being a mom to E and to the boys could not feel more right.

my first argument with someone in Kuwait

Well, it had to happen sooner or later.

Nate and I had our first long distance argument.  Some people may think that it should all be about him since he is away and in a dangerous country.   But, no - it's still all about me!   smiles

We argued about him not texting me in the morning.  Very serious stuff I know. 

I want to wake up EVERY morning with a sweet text on my phone, just waiting to make my day. 

I realize that he is so busy with working 12 hours then a few more for meetings each day.  He is working out every day - squeezed around a few meals and a few hours to sleep.   

But I still want a morning text. every. single. morning.   

So, he quickly apologized and here was my morning text today..

" Good Morning Beautiful!!  I just woke up.  You're still the first thought on my mind.  

 ILOVEYOU like crazy, with no spaces."

Nice - I love when he sees that keeping me happy is really just  keeping him happy. 

mary goes white

Mom bought me this beautiful mary with child years ago.

I loved it instantly. something about her seemed so peaceful -

Now she is perfect.

things to do while bored at work

Dear Nate,

I have to be honest with you here on this public venue.

You are bored at work - therefore you must continue to read this blog, even if its painful.

We all know that you must keep busy. Its just you, you must have a busy gene.

I was walking with our neighbor Kathi while expressing my sentiment that it seemed like you and I were always busy and on a 'mission' at our last house, so we wanted to spend more quality time relaxing. She kindly replied, that she thought we were simply 'missionaries' and wanted to just stay too busy.

But now I fully understand - that being busy and productive Nate is your method of operation.

So now that your time in Afganistan is winding up - it is imperative that you continue to be productive.

Being the good wife that I am, I will tell you what to do as you fill your final few days in paradise.

- master all levels of Angry Birds with at least 2 stars

- describe to Harry the time you saw the new Bachelorette at a bar in Logan

- text your mom good morning

- write a thank you note to Ace Hardware for loading up your repaired lawnmower for your wimpy wife

- text paul, his feelings are hurt that the letter he sent to you was returned to sender

- sign up for a few days in August & September to teach Sunday School

- Facetime the boys later today and sing.... 'shake my sillies out'

- say a prayer for elizabeth's high fever

- drink a glass of water every hour

- go back to this blog and reread your favorite blog, when you asked me to marry you

- look at Ft Lauderdale water sports

- do lots of situps, even at work, tone those abs

- repeat the prayer of protection with heart felt emotion, even when you doubt

- send a little drawing to the boys, as a surprise for them to get in a few weeks

- get your fill of the landscape there , as it will be your last time you ever, ever, ever see it