answers after twenty years

Tuesday morning, 6:30 am, dressed and ready to take Elizabeth to school, I slipped on our icy deck steps and fell down straight onto my back.  One particularly sharp step did quite a number on my lower back.   I stood up immediately - angry at myself for not holding onto the rail, for skipping down stairs in the dark,and now, 4 days later,  of losing valuable days to suffering in bed. 

I cannot imagine living with back pain for years.  Dad was injured when he was in his late twenties.  So for thirty years, he survived numerous surgeries, prescriptions, therapy and a fair dose of self medication to keep the pain at bay.  

Thinking back over Dad's last few years before his death, maybe the pain explains all the things that I struggled with.   Was Dad distant because of his back pain?   Did he only half heartedly listen to my storie because of his pain?   Did Dad settle for a partner that didn't make him happy because of his pain?  

I have a deeper respect for Dad... and the pain that made him who he was.