dining room phase 2

Thank goodness for simple.

Some may think that tan and white and white is boring -

I think it is serene, clean and a back drop for our life.

before shot - if the wallpaper doesn't scare you away...

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a passing prayer

At least once a day, rain or shine,  - Ripley and I head out to breath the fresh air for me and to burn some crazy puppy energy for her.  While the pleasant homes, manicured gardens and other walkers are all so enjoyable to walk past, we opt for a diversion on the last 4 blocks toward home.

We leave the river view and head past the hospital.   There we encounter too many cars, piles of cigarette butts, stinky city buses, and overflowing trash cans. 

However, this route gives us an opportunty to send love to the patients who are worried, the nurses who are overworked, the doctors expertise and the family mmbers that are frequently just waiting for good news.  

People smile, just seeing Ripley - maybe that smile ease the worry lines.  

I feel incapable of praying right now - but Ripley and I do send love and energy into the hospital everyday. 

circling the wagon

 

There are times when I feel social and inclusive of more people and more experiences. 

But there are other times when I simply want to just stay as close to home and family & close friends as I can. I am in the 'Circle the Wagon' stage, wanting all of the protection and attention focused inward.   I can't always place what sparks the change, I do know when it envelopes me like a hibernating animal.  Thick from the winter storage and slow to care for basic obligations.

 I long to only fill my time with the routine and mundane. 

Dishes, writing, napping, walking and reading.

annoying

Jake loves to shred paper.

He looks anywhere around the house for papers that we can part with.

Last week, Nate and I were working on the printer, so to test the printer, I typed in the word

'annoying.' 

Jake found this paper, brought it into the kitchen where we were all sitting, and wondered what the paper was for.

Elizabeth did not miss the chance to say that was word was written to describe him.

We then all started writing other funny words to describe Jake - it was hilarious.   

annoying

silly

stinky

dirty shirt

goofy

short

He then giggled off to shed the list. 

she didnt get that from us....

Elizabeth is at the age, 14.8 years old, that she is making many of her own decisions, withi boundaries of course.
With this new turn of freedom, she is more mature and centered then I have ever been.
Oh, she is still silly and fun and fearless, but beginning to make decisons that clearly demonstrate her prinicples and inner strength. 

She has recently started dating and this has opened up a whole new conversation.   With boys that like her, she holds all the cards.   She decides when they see each other, when they hold hands during the school day,and when it is time for the break up.

Where did she get this confidence?   Nate and I both agree that we were usually not the decision makers in the relationships.  In high school we were just happy to have someone that liked us.    So this confidence that she exhibits is beyond our comprehension.  

Elizbeth is now currently courting a new fella.   Nate and I anxiously ask.... are you guys dating or are you making plans to see one another over the weekend....  Her answer is, "I don't really know him  well enough to committ to seeing him over the wekend."

Who is this cute, confident little bundle of hormones?  

She didn't get  that relationship confidence from us.

I am constantly learning from her and wondering how differently my life would have been if I had deemed myself worthy of waiting until it all was my decsion and my comfort level.

I hope Jake and Chance see Elizabeth's example and learn from that.

 .

it's all about balance

 

It seems so hard sometimes to figure out the perfect balance of my life. Often I am so lop-sided toward my work, that Nate and Elizabeth begin to show the signs of negative.... whiny, needy, and only comforted by quality time together. 

Or often I focus too much our family and friendships and my writing suffers.  Even with 24 set hours per day, I feel like I am always stretched too thinly and long for more time. 

As a child I wished only for the day to pass and for me to get to become an adult.  Time was slower and my needs were tangible.   The longing for my own bottle of 'pop', my own room so that didn't have to see my brother or sister, or my own jeans that matched the rest of my friends.

 

A few days ago, while driving the boys to their school, the song"Wish I had a Wish right now."  I asked Jake what would he wish for, and he only wished to be picked up at school right at the dismissal bell, to be a 'Walker.'    

 

So instead of wishing for the unattainable - to have more minutes in my day - I am going to wish for more serenity in my choices for those minutes.   When I start to lean to heavily on one side of my life (career, house, friends, family, etc) - I will aim to move back toward the middle to achieve a balance.  A happy middle is my wish. 

Wish Right Now

 

answers after twenty years

Tuesday morning, 6:30 am, dressed and ready to take Elizabeth to school, I slipped on our icy deck steps and fell down straight onto my back.  One particularly sharp step did quite a number on my lower back.   I stood up immediately - angry at myself for not holding onto the rail, for skipping down stairs in the dark,and now, 4 days later,  of losing valuable days to suffering in bed. 

I cannot imagine living with back pain for years.  Dad was injured when he was in his late twenties.  So for thirty years, he survived numerous surgeries, prescriptions, therapy and a fair dose of self medication to keep the pain at bay.  

Thinking back over Dad's last few years before his death, maybe the pain explains all the things that I struggled with.   Was Dad distant because of his back pain?   Did he only half heartedly listen to my storie because of his pain?   Did Dad settle for a partner that didn't make him happy because of his pain?  

I have a deeper respect for Dad... and the pain that made him who he was.